How do you identify who is important in your life, and who is not?



I am blogging almost daily recently.
I guess this little space of mine will be where I put my emotions at. I don't really hang out often with the friends I am with in school. I don't really talk to them about my private stuffs unless I really cannot bottle them in my heart and have to burst it out to somebody. I would like to share my joys to somebody I trust, love and care. I heard many that have trusted one too much. So much that when they were betrayed, they got so disappointed that they never trust anybody after that.

Well, those are not what I want to be talking about today. Not entirely, anyway. I have been into many times of relationships. Friendships, kinships and boy-girl relationships are the most common ones. I place friendship as my first priority as I feel that they can understand you better. I am actually very blessed during primary school, to find somebody that can tolerate my attitude. I was a very spoilt kid from young as my father's love for me is so great that when he stop loving me, I was heart-broken. I abandoned my bad attitude at approximately a year before but sometimes it comes back and my friends had to suffer. Many were victims and I feel so bad for them. But I am still gonna improve myself, even though I am not spoilt anymore.

So recently, I have been going home right after school and my mother is so glad as she really don't like me coming home late as she really wants to build a relationship with me and my sister, who is out whole day without answering phone calls from a worried mother. But after a long time, my whole family is used to her not coming home before midnight. But well, I like that mom's at home shortly after I reach home after school so I can talk to her about my morning in that tiny classrooms with noisy chatting classmates paying more attention to their friends than to the teacher who is trying to help them get better grades as end-of-year exams is 18 days away. The students that put studies in the first place are grateful for this, but some others felt indifferent. "So what if I fail" would be what that think when teachers lecture them for lack of attention and disrupting the lesson by chatting and laughing loudly with their peers, for they do not care about their results, Well, I am neither a goody-two-shoes nor am I the girl that disrupt lessons. I actually listen to lessons, but still talks whenever I have the chance to. I feel that studying is important as I wish I can earn a lot when I grow up. Don't start telling me money cannot give me happiness because I am not intending to get happiness from money. I wish to earn money so that my parents get to sit back and relax as they have worked extremely hard for my and my sister so that we get to study, buy things that we need or want. Even though I do not like that my father is usually not at home, but I still have to thank him for providing me with money. I wish I can be 100% more attentive in classes, but I just can't get my mind off of somethings that can probably wait. You see, I am somebody that gets paranoid very easily, and think a lot when I am quiet and I am a pessimist. Yes, it is very embarrassing to admit I am a pessimist. Well I am also a chicken and I back out at times. I don't like to put myself at risk and I don't really dare to try new things unless it is proven that it will not change my life drastically or whatever. Call me a coward, I don't care. I just really don't like changes and it irritates me when I can't get what I want when I want it. I have a ton of things that I do not know, and I can be slow at some things. I get scared easily, and am a very sensitive person. Sensitive in a bad way. But still, I wish to accomplish my dreams and goals. I hope to hang in there, and wish that someone will be there for me to hold on to.


God sent us angels to protect and look over us. They look like ordinary people, and probably think that they are. But in fact, they can be of so much help to us. I really hope I am somebody's angel. I am tired of myself being so insecure and the feeling that no one needs me is so damn sickening.

I feel that almost all my my blog posts are very off topic. :(